Not his name
by honeyandvodka
Summary: Conversations they need to have. Set in light of the upcoming episode with Castle's ex-wife, but without specific spoilers.


"You are _so_ annoying!" They're working a case, he's running insane theories. She's sitting on her desk, swinging her legs, and looking adorable. Although if he said she looked adorable, she'd probably punch him. So, hot, he agrees with himself in his head, she looks hot. Like a bad-ass detective should look. _His_ hot bad-ass detective.

"This is nothing. You should hear what my ex-" _Shit_. Did he really just bring his ex wives into the conversation? The conversation had switched from fun to agony in less than a second. Castle closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead.

"Your ex-wives, Castle?" There's no smile in her voice. She sounds kind of… hurt, actually. He can't blame her. He mentions Meredith in the context of Alexis, from time to time. And Gina in the context of his books. But he tries not to draw attention to them as his exes. It's awkward that they're in his life at all.

"Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean- forget it. Let's just get back to the case."

Kate sighs. Grimaces. "I can't believe _I'm _the one saying this, but maybe we should talk about this?"

"What is there to talk about? And here? Now?"

"It's late, we're the only ones still here. Your ex-wives, Castle."

He raises his eyebrows. "Seriously? I'm sorry I said anything. Really. Nothing to say. You think I'm annoying, and no one agrees. Really. No-one."

Kate is silent for a while, staring at the board. He starts to think she's actually dropped it. Starts to breathe again. This is a conversation he basically never wants to have. And then she speaks. "What happened to end the marriages?"

"Seriously. You want to talk exes? Tell _me_ what happened with Motorcycle-boy-" and off her look, he finishes- "Josh. Motorcycle-Josh?"

"Nothing to say. I got shot. He left."

"He left. Right. I got that. Did you make him leave?" Rick's being brutal, but he doesn't want to talk about Gina or Meredith, and she started it anyway. Wait. No she didn't. He started it. Him and his stupid mouth, doing all the talking without thinking. Still.

"We're talking about you, Castle. Meredith. What happened?"

"She got pregnant, we got married, we had Alexis, she cheated a half dozen times before she called it. I called it. Something. She served the papers in the end. I tried- for Alexis- but I hated her for a long time-" He stops himself. "And that's the cliff notes for Meredith. What happened to Demming? Tom?"

"Uh- I liked him Castle. I really did. But not enough. I wished for a long time that summer that I'd liked him enough-" Kate stops, and grimaces. Castle gets the feeling she's holding something back. He's about to ask, but she opens her mouth again, and there's a kind of bitterness when she asks. "And Gina? Twice?"

"Fair enough. Maybe the same. I liked her. But not enough." There's more, so much more. About how she didn't really want to parent Alexis with him, and looking back, how he didn't really let her share that with him. About how, even as she walked down the aisle toward him, it had never felt like it was really permanent. He'd brushed that off, thought it was nerves, that Meredith had ruined him, but it wasn't Meredith. It was just him, mostly just him. He's actually oddly grateful that he and Gina are still friendly, can still work together, given what a crappy husband he'd been. "Back to Josh? You got shot, he left?"

Kate shrugged. "Something like that." She laughs, almost bitter. Takes a deep breath. When she speaks again, she's almost whispering, and he has to strain to hear her. "I guess after I got shot, I had a lot of dreams."

"Dreams. Not exactly a reason to break up, I wouldn't think." He's sorry now, that he's pushed, taken the conversation this far.

She's whispering again. Shrugging. "I guess I was talking in my sleep. Screaming, even. I don't really remember."

"So you disturbed his beauty sleep and he left?" At this point, he's kind of mad at Josh, even though he figures he should be grateful for the man's lack of patience and what- bed side manner?

"Oh Castle. I was screaming a name." Kate looks up at him. "Not his name."

Shit. He swallows. "Not his name." Now he's the one whispering. "Oh. Mine?"

Kate just nods.


End file.
